Raising Kids / Growing parents Resources

5 Tips for Assessing and Building Trust

RKGP Building Trust Week 3 Newsletter

Bill Shackelford

7/20/2026

5 Tips for Assessing and Building Trust

In our previous blog we talked about the powerful impact that lying has on relationships. If we are honest with ourselves, we will all agree that it is nearly impossible to go through life without lying. Your goal should not be perfection but eliminating lying and deception as a part of your behavioral style. When you do this, being trustworthy is not just what you do, it’s who you are.

A commitment to honesty/truth often has immediate benefits. The relationship seems easier, more enjoyable. Life often seems easier and less stressful. And best of all, you get to build and enjoy the relationship you envisioned when the two of you first met.

Self-Assessment: Are You Trustworthy?

If I asked, "Are you trustworthy?" the overwhelming majority of us would say yes. However, you do not determine the measure of trustworthiness. It's determined by how others see you.

For our Building Trust with Your Parenting Team training, we used research to create a Trust Self-Assessment instrument that assesses this important issue in great detail.

We identified ten components of trust including: reliability, honesty, consistency, transparency, respect for boundaries, empathy, and other issues. You rate yourself on each issue and have your partner do the same. Comparing results will identify perception gaps you may have.

The self-assessment includes action planning worksheets to guide you through actions you can take to close any perception gaps. This powerful training program is available in our AP Academy Store.

Tips for Building Trust In Your Relationship

As we stated earlier, trust is the foundation on which lasting relations are built. It's important to get this right from the start. Mess this up and you will spend precious time working to rebuild trust - time that you will never get back. Here are a few tips of things you can do to build and sustain trust in your relationship.

1. Make honesty/truth a relationship/family value. Discuss what it means to each of you. Develop a “value statement” about truth/honesty that will be easy to remember (e.g. “We value truth and truth adds value to our lives.”).

2. Body language will tell the truth even when your mouth does not. Researchers have determined that more than 50 percent of our communication is in our body language, 38 percent is in tone, and only 7 percent in the words.

People who know you well (like your parents, your spouse, or your partner) have learned how to read your body language and tone. When the message from these two conflicts with the words, our minds are conditioned to believe the body language and tone.

3. Think through the long-term consequences of actions before embarking on them. This is especially important if the actions seem to conflict with your values. Remember that every lie, deception, or action contrary to your values leaves a permanent scar.

4. Change your ways. If honesty/truth has not been a staple of your relationship to this point, it’s not too late to start. However, you will need to do several things to be believed:

Apologize sincerely
Don’t just say you are going to change. Explain the earth-shattering event that has moved you to this new/renewed commitment to honesty/truth.
Ask your spouse / partner what you can stop, start, and/or continue doing to prove you have changed.
Find something positive/healthy to replace the thing(s) that drove you to not being honest.

5. Remember, it takes time to rebuild trust. In the meanwhile, be patient and be consistent.

Assignment

Continue your exploration of trust by downloading our Building Trust with Your Parenting Team training module from our AP Academy Store. This training is foundational for building lasting relationships.

If you have not done so already take a few minutes to listen to our Raising Kids / Growing Parents Podcast for this month, “Building Trust with Your Parenting Team” (Season 01, Episode 05). It provides additional insights on this important issue. Click on the picture below to reach the podcast.

Let’s Grow Together!

Bill Shackelford, Founder
AP Academy and
Raising Kids / Growing Parents Communit

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