Raising Kids / Growing parents Resources

Learn How To Select A Good Mate

RKGP Selecting a Mate Week 1 Newsletter

Bill Shackelford

6/4/2026

Learn How To Select A Good Mate

Raising Kids/Growing Parents Community

Welcome back,
Today we start a new four-part series on selecting a life partner.

“In our experience, the biggest blessing we give our children is a stable family environment.

And that stability starts with us making relationship choices with intention."
- Bill Shackelford

Introduction

Do you know how to select a good mate? Or do you struggle with making this life-changing decision? Have you found that soulmate, only to have them disappoint you months later (after you have already started planning a life together)? I guarantee you’re not alone. That is why this topic is so important and why we include it as a foundation issue in our Raising Kids / Growing Parents training.

We invite you to walk with us as we introduce you to tools that will make your mate selection process easier. Using these tools will give you power and control during this emotionally charged stage of your life.

Why It Matters

Selecting a mate who you will build a life and family with is one of the most important decisions you will make. Unfortunately, Americans have a failing grade in mate selection. According to recent estimates from the American Psychological Association and other trusted sources, about 41% of first marriages in the United States end in divorce. This is a slight decrease from previous years, but still higher than divorce rates in Europe, Asia, and Latin America.

Many of the reasons given for divorcing can be traced back to the fact that the two individuals were not a good match. I believe that if individuals had better tools for selecting a mate the divorce rate would drop significantly.

Better Tools Produce Better Results

For most of us selecting a good mate is hard. It is a delicate balancing game between the head, the heart and the gut. With every failed relationship you tell yourself that you learned your lesson and that you will get it right next time. Unfortunately, the old adage, “Practice makes perfect” does not work in selecting a mate. Instead, I offer you a new adage, “Better tools produce better results.”

For the next few weeks, we will focus our attention on giving you proven tools for mastering the challenging task of selecting a mate. This is one of my favorite topics to discuss because Renée and I are convinced that our 43-year marriage was possible because of the way we built our relationship. We dated for 5 years, developed great respect for each other, communicated openly about everything you can imagine, and had few “relationship surprises” later in our marriage.

In this series we are going to teach you how to use our proven tools to do the same. Specifically, we will cover:

Surprising things we learned about what makes a good mate.
The four stages of relationships and why skipping one can be catastrophic.
A preview of the tools we use to guide clients through the mate selection process.
A proven process for mate selection that you can implement immediately.

Assignment

Our Raising Kids / Growing Parents Podcast for this month is “Proven Process for Selecting A Good Mate” (Season 01, Episode 03). Click on the picture below to listen to this podcast before your join us for Week 2 activities.

We are pleased you have joined us for this month-long discussion of this important adulting/parenting issue.

Let’s Grow Together!

Bill Shackelford, Founder
AP Academy and
Raising Kids / Growing Parents Communit

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