Raising Kids / Growing parents Resources

The Powerful, Negative Impact of Lying

RKGP Building Trust Week 2 Newsletter

Bill Shackelford

7/13/2026

The Powerful, Negative Impact of Lying

Introduction

There is a very popular story about a little boy who learns a powerful lesson about managing his temper. The author of the story is unknown.

I want to share this story with one modification. As you read it, I want you to replace the word "temper" with "lying." I will have a few comments on this exercise afterward.

Nails In A Fence

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day, the boy had driven thirty-seven nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally, the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it, and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed, and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say ’I’m sorry,’ the wound is still there.”

The little boy then understood how powerful his words were. He looked up at his father and said, “I hope you can forgive me, Father, for the holes I put in you.”

“Of course, I can,” said the father.

Lessons From The Story

I want to focus your attention on four lessons about lying I hope you take away from this story.

1. Your actions have lasting impact. Whether its comments made out of anger or lies told, the impact of your actions can be long lasting. A famous Maya Angelou quote states, "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Think about how you felt when you discovered that someone you trusted lied to you. That feeling can last a long time. If that person is your spouse or potential mate, the lie will eat away at the love and joy you desire in your relationship.

2. Repairing the damage done by lies requires action. Pulling the nails out of the fence was the little boy's attempt to repair the damage he had done. With lies an apology is a necessary first step. But just like in the story, it is not the only step. Repair requires a demonstrated change in behavior, and a commitment to make the change permanent.

3. Repairing the damage done by lies takes time. Many of us want to believe that if we apologize for a lie, that will make everything right and the two of us can move on as if it never happened. Reality is that every lie leaves a scar that an apology cannot always heal. Think about an apology as stiches for a knife wound. The stiches are a necessary first step, but the wound will still take time to heal.

4. Life is easier when honesty is a core value. Be honest in your relationship not just because it is the right thing. Be honest because it makes your life so much easier. It takes a lot of energy to manage a lie. Energy that you should be using to create joyful moments in your relationship. In addition, like the lesson the little boy learned, it takes a lot of work to repair the damage done by lies.

If you think you or your partner needs to explore this topic in more detail download our Building Trust with Your Parenting Team training module. There we provide exercises and tools for assessing the current level of trust, and strategies for building or rebuilding trust.

What's Next

Next week we will share some really bad news for the skillful liar. We will explain why it is so difficult to get away with lying to people who know you well. Also, we will give you tips for building trusting relationships, and preview tools we use in our Building Trust with Your Parenting Team training that others have found life changing.

Assignment

If you have not done so already take a few minutes to listen to our Raising Kids / Growing Parents Podcast for this month, “Building Trust with Your Parenting Team” (Season 01, Episode 05). Click on the picture below to listen to this podcast before you join us for next week's activities.

We are pleased you have joined us for this month's-long discussion of this important adulting/parenting issue.

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Bill Shackelford, Founder
AP Academy and
Raising Kids / Growing Parents Communit

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